Lazy

The door bell rings and he thinks,"Oh, shit. I have no interest in getting that door. I should give the pizza guy my house key, so he can walk in and plop that freshly baked pizza on my lap and I wouldn't have to get up to do the exchange." He lurches his neck toward the front room. "It's open!"
The door handle rattles, but doesn't budge. There is a muffled response coming from behind the door.
He finally looks at the paraphernalia surrounding him on the comforter. "I'm coming!" He starts plotting his reluctant escape from his comfortable solace. "God, I hate moving all this shit. I hate getting out of bed." He screams"Hold on" to the front room to buy him some more time, then thinks, "I'll put the bong right here next to my pillow on the floor, so I know it's close when I need it. And the weed next to that, and the water glass next to that. I need a piss pan. I hate getting up to go to the bathroom. What do you call those things? Oh, fuck it. I don't want to think about that for too long. Here I go. Up and moving forward. Oh, my knees are week. Am I getting fatter? Who cares? Do I know anyone who would care? I don't. When's the last time I got up? I had to have taken a shit yesterday... I don't remember."
The door opens. "yeah."
"Large pepperoni pizza."
(sigh) "yeah, what is it? 17 something?"
"18.28 sir."
"...28? What the hell is that?" Cash is yanked from his pocket. Coins scatter all over the floor. The pizza man looks down. He's still holding the pizza.
"Don't worry about it. I'll vacuum it up later." (sigh) "Is 20 good? Of course it is. here."
The 20 dollar bill is shoved into the pizza man's breast pocket and the pizza is ripped from his fingers. the door slams.
"I just want to fucking lay down. I hate moseying across this carpet. This carpet is thick. It's tiresome to walk through. I should get thinner carpet. Should I get it changed? No, people would have to come to do it. I'm not going to change this shit myself. They'd probably need me to move the bed, though. Or, tell me to get off it so they could move it. Maybe I could get them to do all the carpeting around the bed and not worry about changing the carpet under the bed. I could just sit here and smoke and watch them work.
"The thought of all this is tiring me out. I'm just gonna lay down... put the pizza box over here and - ahhhh. let's see." he opens the pizza box. "Ranch! Damn. It's in the fridge. Damn. No ranch then... Napkins? Fuck it. I'll just wipe my greasy fingers on the other side of this mattress. If I have the energy.
"Damn that walk to the door tired me out. I'll just rest here a bit. My feet are cold. Fuck'em, I won't die if I leave them out for a little nap. I don't think I can handle tossing a blanket over them right now. My arms feel nice and sung under my chest. I've never felt so comfortable. If only my feet could be warm. I should get a maid. She'd cover my feet. Shit she'd probably rub'em for me and put some moisturizing lotion on them as well. I wonder if I could seriously find a cheap one.
"The pizza will go cold. Well, it doesn't matter. Cold pizza is never bad. it'll be fine. I'm just going to close my eyes here, and yeah.... that feels so nice. ahhh. Fuck moving forever. I just want to lay here and breathe. If i didn't have to get hungry or take shits all would be perfect. This is what I live for. This is perfect."